Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Pulling the Trigger

I hate doing it.  Not in the literal sense of initiating turret/laser fire against an enemy, but the in the metaphorical sense of making a difficult decision.  Over the past few weeks I’ve been going back and forth over leaving WSHOT.  I thought it would be an easy decision and an even easier process, but I was clearly mistaken.

Recently my current corporation, WSHOT choose to join an organization called Brick Squad(dot) which I will refer to from now on as BS.  I do not particularly care for BS.  I’ve had quite a few experiences with their leadership, FC’s & membership which brought me to the conclusion that this organization is not worth my time or effort.  This is an opinion that will not soon change if ever. 

This conflict creates a bit problem.  While I enjoy the company of most of WSHOT’s membership, the kills, the usually frequent activity, etc… there’s no way in hell I’m ever going to contribute to any of BS’s goals.  This is no secret due to the fact when BS was being discussed as an alliance option and I was asked point blank at a corporation meeting about the possibility of joining BS my response was, and I quote, “I’ll either leave WSHOT or go dormant until WSHOT finds a worth wile alliance.” 

In the end it was decided the BS was the best decision for the corporation and I can’t fault the leadership making the decision to become part of that particular organization.  Really I couldn’t agree more when it comes to look at the pros and cons on paper.  The lack of capable FC’s gave WSHOT FC’s a chance to step up to leaded fleets and gain notoriety with in the organization.  BS has decent space for ratting.  Also the Delve area is filled with the brim with ‘good fights.’  Those things make BS a better match for WSHOT than other organizations that were being considered.

In the beginning, I even gave it a (very very very small) chance.  I went out on a few roams with the corporation.  One ended up being sucked in to a fleet ran by the organization which ended up being a pretty terrible fleet.  Still as time went on, I stopped logging into comms and eventually stopped logging in to the game preferring to spend time on my brand new alt.  Eventually I took Ary to Jita for market trading.  I only recently came back to Delve to sell off what few assets I had there  since all of my assets got lost in the corp move and still have not been found after three weeks.

Now, logically speaking it seems pretty obvious that I should leave WSHOT.  Still, I’ve tried to a week to click the little ‘quit corp’ button, but I can’t.  I’ve procrastinated using any excuse I could find from needing to finish updating market orders to I should really go do that load of laundry.   I’ve even been searching for the smallest reason to stay.  I really don’t want to leave WSHOT, but as I continue to put it off… the reality of the matter grows more obvious.  I’m unhappy in my current EVE Online experience and something’s got to give.

So I have two choices.  I can either suck up my absolute contempt for BS or I can leave and find somewhere else to hang my hat.  I’m not sure which option is the best, but I already know the answer.  In speaking to the leadership of WSHOT I know they’ve already written me off as a loss much like the many other members that have already left when they joined BS.  Even if I did stay my participation would most likely be little to nothing which really isn’t fair to WSHOT since most organizations look at membership activity.  Then there’s the obvious why stay some place you don’t want to be?

I guess it just bugs me because I thought WSHOT was truly my home when it came to EVE Online.  I thought I found that elusive mesh between a player and corp where you just end up staying there until you stopped playing.  I wanted WSHOT to be my PvP Happily Ever After where the closing scene was nothing more than engine trails leading off into the distance with empty wrecks left in their wake.

 Then there's that little voice in the back of my mind.  Maybe I'm giving up too soon.  It has only been a few months.  Plus, where else would I go.  Honestly.  I'm sure it will come across a little weird when I say WSHOT gets me.  They get my terrible sense of humor that involves a lot of off color jokes that would make most instantly uncomfortable (including my own co-host).  They get my joy for smack talking in local even though we know it's immature and tardish.  They get that I like to not just kill things when I play video games, but I like to kill things, rez them, kill them again, t-bag and hang their corpse as hunting trophy. 

I think a need a drink.  Or several.

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