That Old Flame

For the past few months I've found myself in this toxic mix of a "rut" and a "funk" when it comes to EVE Online.  I think the catalyst was the act of me getting hung up on my corp joining Brick Squad.  It tainted my game play experience so much that I stopped enjoying my game play experience.  After a few weeks of being bummed and moping about it; I came to a simple conclusion. 

I was being Stupid.

My eyes narrow slightly at my computer screen as I read those words, but yea.  I was being stupid.  I really enjoy playing EVE Online.  I really enjoy my corp and my corp mates.  I really enjoy PvP.  Who the fuck are they to taint that for me?  No.  Screw that noise.   

As soon as I said that to myself the most wonderful thing happened.  It was unexpected and even a little shocking.  It's also the most logical progression events and a welcome relief.  That's right folks.  When I let it go, I started having a good time again.  Who would have thought?

The catalyst for this "Letting It Go" was going back to the very thing that lured me in to EVE Online in the first place.  The ships!  I remember the first ship I ever saw.  It was a Daredevil.  If the sleek and sexy body style wasn't enough, the thing is a speed demon on top of it.  I was absolutely enchanted by it and my friend had been using them a lot as a low sec pirate so he did an excellent job of selling me on all it's stats.

That ship put some kind of spell on me.  It's supple curves accented with the dangerous tips of its wings sparks a visual pleasure for me.  There's an edge about that ship.  The design alone makes the resounding  statement of; I will fuck your shit up.  When I saw that ship I knew I had to fly it.  I knew it would be something that would eventually be in my collection.  That hasn't quiet happened yet due to be being forever broke, but... one day.  That's how it all started though and that's where I went to rekindle that spark.

Recently I've gone from not being able to fly jack shit, to being able to fly more ships than I know what to do with.  I should note that when I say "I can fly" I mean with proper fits as well.  So I decided to do a little window shopping on EVE MON with my fitting room on EFT soon to overflow.  I spent time looking at Lokis Rapiers, Scimitars, Munins and Vagabonds. Rapiers got the most attention tonight since my mates were discussing fits in corp chat.  I was shocked that I was able to fly it and immediately started asking questions.

I wanted to know everything about this ship and I'm lucky that I have corp mates that are experienced and that want to see my succeed in PvP.  I'm pretty sure most would be quick to call my questions out as being noobish, but I am a noob.  I asked about price, fits, if being able to fit a covert cyno was really necessary, how does it compare with the Huginn and its missile bonus' etc, etc.  That lead to Kenndo asking me if I was coming or not. 

That's something about Wrecking Shots that I really love.  There usually something going on most nights.  If it's not an Alliance Op, we're going a corp op or a roam.  Then of course, some nights are "Bear Nights" as we call them as everyone needs to make their ISK.  Tonight was no exception and off we went towards a pipe leading to the Y-2ANO area looking for a little bit of fun.

Tonight we were doing new style of tactic.  The idea is internet spaceships, but Guerilla Warfare Style.  Nanos and Cloaks create a dangerous combination for stragglers that aren't on their toes and plenty of killmails for me.   After one night, I'm still fairly new with the method of operation and my dictor performance was mediocre at best.  I made a couple of big mistakes, but the FC was cool about it.  This particular FC is great like that and I've always enjoyed his fleets and learned a lot from them.  I'm sold on the new tactic and I can't wait to get back out there again.

I ended the night with four solid kills and there were six for the entire night.  It's not much, but it's not bad for two hours of camping.  We only had one loss and that was to Incursion rats, ugh.  More importantly, I think I found my flame again.

Pulling the Trigger

I hate doing it.  Not in the literal sense of initiating turret/laser fire against an enemy, but the in the metaphorical sense of making a difficult decision.  Over the past few weeks I’ve been going back and forth over leaving WSHOT.  I thought it would be an easy decision and an even easier process, but I was clearly mistaken.

Recently my current corporation, WSHOT choose to join an organization called Brick Squad(dot) which I will refer to from now on as BS.  I do not particularly care for BS.  I’ve had quite a few experiences with their leadership, FC’s & membership which brought me to the conclusion that this organization is not worth my time or effort.  This is an opinion that will not soon change if ever. 

This conflict creates a bit problem.  While I enjoy the company of most of WSHOT’s membership, the kills, the usually frequent activity, etc… there’s no way in hell I’m ever going to contribute to any of BS’s goals.  This is no secret due to the fact when BS was being discussed as an alliance option and I was asked point blank at a corporation meeting about the possibility of joining BS my response was, and I quote, “I’ll either leave WSHOT or go dormant until WSHOT finds a worth wile alliance.” 

In the end it was decided the BS was the best decision for the corporation and I can’t fault the leadership making the decision to become part of that particular organization.  Really I couldn’t agree more when it comes to look at the pros and cons on paper.  The lack of capable FC’s gave WSHOT FC’s a chance to step up to leaded fleets and gain notoriety with in the organization.  BS has decent space for ratting.  Also the Delve area is filled with the brim with ‘good fights.’  Those things make BS a better match for WSHOT than other organizations that were being considered.

In the beginning, I even gave it a (very very very small) chance.  I went out on a few roams with the corporation.  One ended up being sucked in to a fleet ran by the organization which ended up being a pretty terrible fleet.  Still as time went on, I stopped logging into comms and eventually stopped logging in to the game preferring to spend time on my brand new alt.  Eventually I took Ary to Jita for market trading.  I only recently came back to Delve to sell off what few assets I had there  since all of my assets got lost in the corp move and still have not been found after three weeks.

Now, logically speaking it seems pretty obvious that I should leave WSHOT.  Still, I’ve tried to a week to click the little ‘quit corp’ button, but I can’t.  I’ve procrastinated using any excuse I could find from needing to finish updating market orders to I should really go do that load of laundry.   I’ve even been searching for the smallest reason to stay.  I really don’t want to leave WSHOT, but as I continue to put it off… the reality of the matter grows more obvious.  I’m unhappy in my current EVE Online experience and something’s got to give.

So I have two choices.  I can either suck up my absolute contempt for BS or I can leave and find somewhere else to hang my hat.  I’m not sure which option is the best, but I already know the answer.  In speaking to the leadership of WSHOT I know they’ve already written me off as a loss much like the many other members that have already left when they joined BS.  Even if I did stay my participation would most likely be little to nothing which really isn’t fair to WSHOT since most organizations look at membership activity.  Then there’s the obvious why stay some place you don’t want to be?

I guess it just bugs me because I thought WSHOT was truly my home when it came to EVE Online.  I thought I found that elusive mesh between a player and corp where you just end up staying there until you stopped playing.  I wanted WSHOT to be my PvP Happily Ever After where the closing scene was nothing more than engine trails leading off into the distance with empty wrecks left in their wake.

 Then there's that little voice in the back of my mind.  Maybe I'm giving up too soon.  It has only been a few months.  Plus, where else would I go.  Honestly.  I'm sure it will come across a little weird when I say WSHOT gets me.  They get my terrible sense of humor that involves a lot of off color jokes that would make most instantly uncomfortable (including my own co-host).  They get my joy for smack talking in local even though we know it's immature and tardish.  They get that I like to not just kill things when I play video games, but I like to kill things, rez them, kill them again, t-bag and hang their corpse as hunting trophy. 


I think a need a drink.  Or several.

WSHOT Prayer

The following video is a collaboration of sorts.  A while ago one of my corps mates, Esqui, sent me a little something called the "Wrecking Shots Prayer."  Soon after writing it, he sent it to me and asked me to do an audio for it.  I did, but it seemed flat when I listened to it.  That's when the real work began.

I came up with the idea of doing a video for the prayer.  There were two obstacles though.  First, I have a terrible video card so the fraps I take comes out very low quality.  Second, I'm not that good with Sony Vegas and only knew a few tricks.  In my usual way, I found a way around all that.

You Tube has become a saving grace when it comes to EVE Online.  Some of the best tutorials for the game are on You Tube.  I found this to the same for Sony Vegas and also for obtaining great footage.  I learned a few new tricks from the tutorials, but my You Tube loitering didn't stop there.  For inspiration I started watching the trailers.

That's when it hit me.  Why do I need to fraps new stuff, when there's great video footage already out there.  As I watched the EVE Online trailers, I realized there were scenes that went perfectly with the prayer.  Though CCP Game's use policy I was able to borrow those scene.  As for the actual fraps footage, that I knicked from a fellow corp mate Black Jesus.  He has a fraps FTP dump for the corp.

Then there's the music.  For that I have to give thanks to MadeLoud.com and Exordium Project.  MadeLoud.com is a royalty free music site where budding artists can publish there work and offer it for free or paid downloads.  Sometimes you have to sift though a lot of "interesting" works, but you do come across some gold.  Thought chance I found the track "Black Apocalypse" by Exordium Project.  It was a good song, but not what I was looking for.  I went to their page and there was only songs.  The moment I heard " Demon Music Box" it all came together for me.

I should also mention that the Thrasher footage is a High Sec Hulk gank that the corp did a little while ago in the Placid Region.  Those ganks have been a lot of fun (for us of course, not the Hulk pilots).  It was also Black Jesus' first hulk gank.  


Enjoy!

Audio Blog: To Dine With Death and Enjoy Its Company

I liked how the quasi-fiction blog came out so much that I decided to turn it in to an audio piece. Enjoy.

Quasi-Fiction: To Dine with Death and Take Pleasure in Its Company

Warning:

This blog features a writing style I’ve decided to experiment with that I’m calling “Quasi-Fiction” or “Dramatic-Recount.”  It features real events, but it presents them in a role-playish and very dramatic style.  If it seems over the top or fanciful, it’s supposed to.  Leave me comment if you like or don’t like it.  Constructive comments are always appreciated. 

Thanks!

Dani♥

 

Oh New Eden.  What have I done?

I’ll admit that I’ve done my share of deeds that could be considered criminal, but I’ve never done anything like this before.  What I did the other night was unthinkable to me at one point in my career.  Of course I had considered it once, maybe twice, but it was nothing more than a flicker of a thought pushed to the back of my mind.  I thought it was a trifle of a daydream, but I was wrong.  It was more than that.  It was seed of temptation.

I have now succumbed to that temptation, that little flicker of a thought.  In the blink of an eye I found myself sliding deeper into the rabbit hole.  The fruits of wanton destruction were bore unto me and I could resist them no longer.  I bit into its succulent flesh and found rapture.  Its exotic fragrance flooded my senses intoxicating me.  The taste of the divine upon my lips is something that I will never forget.  Then again, you never do forget your first.

The experience was a whirlwind when I think back.  We were alerted to a proper quarry and in a rush of action preparations started.  The blood in my veins quickened as adrenaline spread through my body like a fever.  Settling into minimally fitted destroyer class Minmatar ship seemed almost like a virginal experience.  Reverence came over me as I considered its sacrifice for my tawdry pleasures.  The time for such thoughts would be short as the fleet commander called for us to undock.

There we were.  Basking in rich, bold light of the Gallante sun that fed life to our system.  Oh, how it’s light flicker against our hulls.  It was a truly magnificent spectacle that would soon draw anguish in deed.  We were ready to be wielded like the steady and true hand of death itself, for that is what we had become.  Final checks were given and with the precision of a true professional our fleet commander took us and led us down a path where angels feared to tread.

Local would empty quickly.  Those left behind… no.  Those that were given a moment of freedom from our tyranny, loosed a bated breath.  It would be a short lived time of reprieve for them.  An opportunity to escape what had once held them down with impunity.  Still in the backs of their minds, as they skittered from our solar system they would know.  They would know somewhere out in some not to distant sector of space… someone was suffering a fate much worse than theirs.

We slipped into high security space moving as one under skilled direction.  I use the term ‘slip’ loosely due to the fact that Concord’s watchful eye is ever present in the higher security systems.  Announcements of our criminal status and threats against us flashed across our screens so quickly the names barely registered.  We were all criminals as far as the intergalactic law was concerned.  As poor as our reputation was… is… we cared naught.  There were more important and insidious things that kept our focus.

It happened so quickly, but those memories play like slow motion in my mind.  The scene could almost be described as serene.  The floating asteroids twirled as if they were in some majestic ballet.  The sun’s tendrils of light slithered through the darkness to cast it away.  Even the sight of that one lone hulk with its lasers drawing in the universe’s riches was peaceful.  While they are all very… placid, what happened next was truly beautiful. 

Really there’s no other way to describe it.  I’m sure there are others out there who would adamantly disagree with me, but this is my story.  When you combine the intensity of such sensory delights; the flecks destroyed hull that burst into space like burning diamonds, the unmistakable sound of artillery* fire, the tightness in your chest due to your heart stopping for briefest of seconds until your held breath explodes from your lips much like the vessel before you.  The ecstasy that you feel can not be denied.  No matter if it’s from endorphins wrapping you in their chemical bliss or the gratification if your inner predator being fed; you will have your satisfaction. 

In this exquisite dance of brutality and delight there is only one problem.  Once you have supped from the tree of life and taken in its fruits; your eyes are forever opened.  There is no turning back.  There is no straight and narrow.  There is no from whence you came.  No.  There is only you, your ship and the pursuit…

Oh New Eden.  What have I done?

 The Kill Mail

* This was originally auto cannons. I prefer the sound of auto cannon fire and I think it's more recognizable than artillery fire.  However, after having to listen to my corp mates bitch and moan on TS and through eve mail that our fit has artys, I've decided to change it.  Yes.  I changed my blog post to get my WSHOT to STFU.  Fuck you guys.  I like auto cannons.

I Ain't Givin' You No Tree-Fitty: STFU

No seriously. STFU.

Keeping your mouth shut and your fingers still can be your best weapon again those engaging you in unwilling PvP or uPVP as I’ll call it. Cussing pilots out in local and posting scathing threads about evil-doers in the forums does not help your cause. In fact, it usually only makes your problems worse. How do I know? Some of my closest friends are the people you love to hate.

Allow me to introduce to you Wrecking Shots [WSHOT]. They are greifing, shit talking, mood killing, monocle demanding assholes, liers, scammers and nere-do-wells lead by a delightful CEO by the name of ‘I’m Hostile.’ They also happen one of my former corps and remain good friends of mine. Recently one of the pilots in the corp, esquimo leviticus, sent me this tweet keeping me up to date with the corps happenings:

#tweetfleet WSHOT love [Short Link] @Arydanika Your missing out on the monocles x

Now that you’ve read that; back to my main point… STFU.

Do note that I’m not trying to be mean or troll you, but I do want to be harsh if only to engrain this method of survival into your heads; STFU.

Often times when pilots lose a ship by means which they think are “unfair”, “uncouth”, non-epic pvpzors or whatever; they feel the need to tell the world about the offending party. The victims of these events will resort to posting in local or (like in this case) on the forums. What these victims parties usually is realize is that more often then not; the offending party doesn’t care. What worse is that your act of out-rage can possibly make your situation worse.

How do I know? Well, after weeks of mandatory overtime, some real life bad news and spending the last few days running around like a chicken with my head cut off; I decided that I would log in to EVE and have some fun. I cloned down to Gallante space, fitted up a pirating hurricane and joined these evil horrible people in Oulley to obliterate my sec status. I needed this. I really did and I had a freaking blast.

Blast #1
Blast #2

But Dani! How could you do such terrible things?

That mind frame right there is part of the problem. If it was a “terrible thing” it would be against EULA and those doing it would be hit with the ban hammer so hard they’d go cross-eyed. Yes it’s horribly rude and inconsiderate, it inconveniences pilots, it costs the offended party ISKies, but it’s also perfectly legitimate game play. Once “victims” recognize that then they can start to develop ways to combat this type of uPvP which brings us back to our main point. STFU.

WSHOT is enjoying their time in Oulley and I had a great time with them. We spent our time in TS3 laughing at the above mentioned forum post that others thought would serve to mock, troll and de-moralize them. I read Lord Ashur’s blog post that highlighted the threaded and added a few additional lulz and then decided to write one of my own about it. Then of course there was holding pods for monocle ransoms while spamming local with pedo-monocle bear and bouncing between gate perches trying to catch any poor bastard that picked those the wrong time jump though. They also taught me the finer points of surprise buttsecks and prepped me for the possibility of hulk gank should a fitting target be found.

Hopefully that description illustrates the point I’m making here. The cries in local, the flaming forum posts, the angry tweets and the mails of outrage that are frequently made by PvP offended parties have only made their zeal for this activity stronger. The behavior of the pilots being targeted only served make their blip on WSHOTS radar that much brighter and caused the targets on the sides of the ships to grow larger and sweeter. The wailing, moaning, protesting, calls for revenge, offers of white-knightery and gnashing of teeth only caused WSHOTs resolution to stay in Oulley and “kill everything that moves” to grow stronger.

Of course there is an exception to every rule. Everyone once in a while a pilot may feel a flush of embarrassment as they are public called out for “low brow tactics”, but most PvPers have no shame. Then there are cases of those that use their communication skills in this situation for a higher purpose. One of those exceptions happens to be a plucky little hulk pilot named Theos Cragen.

After getting ganked by a surprise horde of thrashers, he opened up a convo with one of the pilots. That pilot then invited the entire fleet, including me, into the convo to troll the guy. In the convo he explained that he was a new player to the game and that he spent all his ISK on that Hulk. He also said that he understand that it was part of the game and that he wanted to eventually join up with WSHOT once he had enough SP and ISK because he was interested in PvP. The guy still ended up get trolled and scammed out of 25 Mil*, but I provided him with an invite to the Project Halibut channel where he could get some help with a new Hulk. Plus, he did make a positive impression on the corp which may help him out down the line.

So I implore you pilots of New Eden. Please. For the love of your own sanity. STFU.

*Yes, he got scammed too. One of the WSHOT’s pilots told him that he could by back his corpse and if he salvaged it, he might get his implants back… poor fool. I’ll also mention that one of the WSHOT’s guys felt bad since he really had no ISK and sent the guy 5 Mil, which he ended up giving to the other WSHOT guy that scammed him. At least they tried right?

So tell me what you want... What you really really want.

I've come to realize something during my short time within the Eve Universe; Everything you do matters.  What you do comes attached with a huge chain of choices.  Each of those little choices you make will have some type of impact on what you are doing in the game.  Those decisions can bring success, failure, frustration, celebration and even a good laugh or two. 

The process of careful decision making starts the very moment you enter the game in the form of your avatar.  This is what will forever represent you within the universe.  Well, until you decide you're ready for a new scar or tattoo or  if you're ready change of hair do.   To change that all you have to do is dock into the nearest station to re-customize.  Really, that's as easy as the decision making gets.  From there is a downward spiral of choice after choice.

Do you do the tutorials or strike out on your own?  (For the love of all that is sane and logical PLEASE do the tutorials.)  Do you go the route of wealth and power or go for blood and tears; maybe both?  Do you go for frigates, battleships, capitals or specialty ships?  What skills do you train?  What corporation or alliance will you join?  Which resources will you use?  What will spend your game time doing?

After a year a playing this game I still have trouble making those choices.  About two weeks or so ago, I left SpaceMonkey's Alliance to spread my wings in New Eden and try something new.  I spent most of my time trying to answer the age old question; 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'  The only answer I've been able to come up with so far is 'a killer.'  It's an unsettling though oddly liberating realization.  At least I had made the first choice.  Now it's on the second.

Where was I going to go and with whom would I kill things?  EVE Online after all is a very social game.  I can't think of any other game where I socialized to this degree during game play outside of game nights with my family when I was younger or role-play sessions with friends.  I found out rather quickly after four or five days of doing missions in high sec, belt ratting in low and null sec, rifter roaming in low sec and wormhole surfing.... EVE is kind of boring alone.  At least it is for me.  I've heard the joys watching movies while mining, but... that's not really my thing.

I considered high sec.  Running with AD0PT seemed like a good option especially when I knew Croakraoch, an awesome FC, as well as some of their more colorful pilots from M0F0's days of running with SMA.  I spent some time talking to The Pitboss and they seemed to have a really good operation out there.  They did have all the elements I was looking for when it came to my search.

I considered pirating in low sec.   I spent some time looking over different websites and kill boards seeing what different corps had to offer.  I even went out to different systems in low sec and checked out corps by who was moving though the area.  I even got to watch a little Gallante/ Caldari faction warfare clash while cloaked up in my helios.  It was pretty cool, but nothing I found really grabbed me. 

I talked to different people about what they had done in the game and if they had any suggestions for me.  I actually spent a lot of time in the Women Gamers of Eve Channel talking to them about their experiences.  Organizations like Rote Kappelle and Noir. came up in conversation.   It was really great to hear some of the stories and personal descriptions of corporation and alliance practices.   Still nothing grabbed me the way I wanted it to.

Then all of a sudden it just happened.  I was hanging out in Essence belt rating while I watched the low sec pilots go to and fro.  In the interesting of helping out a low wallet I did some light belt ratting.  It was mind-boggling boring.  So boring in fact; my attention had been diverted to a video link exchange that erupted in an in-game channel.  It was then that a little pop-up box of salvation came. 

Kenndo from Wrecking Shots of Wildly Inappropriate. was contacting me.  It seemed that an Incursion had hit the Fade area and they were trying to get a group together to go a-carebearing and then maybe hit some systems for a roam a little later on.  However, there was a hitch in the plan.  I wasn't blue for I had left SMA.  Kenndo, you ingenious fiend. 

He dangled the carrot.   Now if you're thinking that the incursion was the carrot, you've missed something.  It's the social.  I was bored and why?   I had grown accustomed to playing Eve as a social game.  They had found me in my greatest moment of weakness and offered me what I was missing from my game.  The social aspect of EVE Online is one of the reasons I enjoy this game as much as I do.  It was one of the reasons I was a successful corporation and pilots recruiter for SMA and it's part of the reason I'm now a podcaster and attempted blogger for the game as well.

So that was my choice.  I choose to be social and focus on that aspect of the game.  I choose to enjoy EVE Online with people that I enjoy as well.  I look forward to flying with the miscreants of WSHOT.  I also look forward to some of the other projects I'm starting in the game.  While I may not know exactly where my choices will lead my journey though this Ultimate Sci-Fi Experience... I know it's going to be one wild ride. 

Oh... and damn you Hallan Turrek.