Happy Monday: BFF

The outpost was teeming with bodies. It was difficult to find a clear path through most of the corridors.  The sprawling main levels extended into a labyrinth of offices, establishments, quarters, docks and public areas that was nearly impossible to navigate.  The traffic was so heavy you had no choice but to crush yourself against the surging masses in order to make any kind of headway towards your destination.  On the lower levels, the walkways were still mostly full, but at least you didn’t have to worry if that strange hand on your thigh was trying to catch a feel or rob you blind… as much.

Outposts are colossal space stations built in null security space by sovereignty holding alliances.  They can house thousands of pilots, hundreds of corporations and an unfathomable amount of ships and other assorted accouterments necessary for a comfortable existence out in the wilds of conquerable space.  Even as grand as this structure off plant V is… the amount of people contained made it seem like a tiny village encased in glass and gleaming metals at times.  Especially since The Mongrels made it their business to know exactly who was on their home turf at all times.

Signs of the strange society built upon the grief and suffering of outsiders were ubiquitous.  Off in one of the alcoves three men grinned as they looked towards a Neo Com screen.  A holo of a titan spun slowly at the table with the three crooks as a naïve highsec dweller watched what was supposedly his new titan class ship while he was in the process of being robbed blind.  In the corridors, holo-screens and posters boasted propaganda of all sorts.  A particular one caught Ary’s eye.  It was a large mural of sorts set against a red background with smoke rising from planet side as a hordes of rifters and other frigates filled the sky while off to the right Chariman Mao watched with a murderous glee; superimposed fire burning in his eyes.

“Stirring.”  The word was a low mummer from her lips.  There was a tinge of humor filled her tone and a smirk pulled the corner of her lips.

She did her best to blend into the mix of thugs, hustlers and killers that made up the population of VFK-IV.  An easy gait carried her down the greenish hued hall.  The faint thud of her heavy industrial boots echoed slightly.  Dark eyes stayed forward, her gaze laced with a hardened edge that gave her a stronger air of purpose.  The odd set of eyes would still follow her as she moved towards her destination.  It was hard to tell if they actually caught her “New Kid” scent or if her own paranoia was playing tricks on her.   Whatever the truth was, it was soon wiped away and replaced with a moment of self annoyance.

In a split second the room spun.  Ary found herself grabbed by her hips and pulled backwards in a single quick motion.  Instinctively her knees bent and her center of gravity shifted forcing her assilant to loosen his grasp.  Free from the grip, she crouched with heels raised and the balls of her feet pressed to the floor.   Hair dyed the color of fire and brimstone splayed in the air as she spun.  Her body spun 180 degrees to face the aggressor.  Simultaneously her right hand reached across her torso.  The palm of hand landed on her pistol and her fingers to wrap around its grip.  The weapon drawn from its hiding place between her forearm and breast and pointed to the source of her new found distraction.  Safety off.

As the two stood in the middle of the corridor, face to face and staring down each other's barrels, they failed to notice that everything around them stopped.  There were no footsteps, no sounds of conversations.  Simply silence as the on lookers waited to see which one would pull the trigger first.

They were locked in a “Matari Stand-off.”  Two combatants and two pistols.  Both of which were aimed squarely at center of their opponent's forehead.  A killshot was guaranteed, but only by which one of them had the quickest reflex.  The mix of adrenaline and anxiety surged through their veins as they stood in the center of the slowly forming circle.  Their senses were hyper aware taking in the feel indentations and grooves of the pistol grips to the faint mummer of voices making impromptu bets.  Fellow Mongrels circled them like vultures waiting the sweet release of sudo-death, blood and brain matter.

“Someone shoot or move it along.”  A slim built security officer with ratting brown hair broadcasted his directive as he pushed to the front of the crowd.  His expression was unsurprised if not on the borderline of annoyed.  He paused to take a bite of a haphazardly created sandwich clutched in to his left hand.  A piece of lettuce clung to the corner of his mouth as another piece fell to the floor.  “You’re causing a safety issue by blocking the thoroughfare.”  The spitting of chewed food as he talked only added to his authority.

“The lady and I are trying to have a moment here.”  The masculine voice attached to the hand holding the pistol aimed at Ary’s head was smoothing, evening charming.  A faint laugh slipped past his current targets lips.  “It isn’t often we find ourselves able to connect so abruptly.”

“Really I don’t give a fuck what you two do.  What I do give a fuck about...”  Another bite taken and the guard’s speech became muffled as his words struggled to bypass the wad of meat, cheese and bread that blocked their path. “Is my boss, who’s going to come ride my ass about a traffic block in sector 34H.  Now if you two need a private moment, I hear the Gallente Suite on the top desk is nice.  Decent rental fee, heart shaped bed and the cleaning service is included since you two are in to the kinky shit…. That said.  Shoot it or move it.”

“Some just have no idea how to properly woo a lady.  It is nice to see you again Ob.”

Both guns were de-charged and placed back inside their respective holsters.  A smile as bright as VFK-IV’s yellow star cast a brilliant glow over the woman’s features as her arms wrapped around her once assailant's neck.  The affection was returned as Ob’s arms wrapped around her waist and took her up in a brief spin.

The almost gun battle was nothing more than two old friends reuniting.  The security officer was satisfied as the onlookers started to break up and move away.  A small scuffle broke out between a heavily tattooed Matari and a weasely little bookie who was currently pinned against a wall shouting ‘No refunds on bets’ as his legs kicked searching for solid ground.  Two slightly less disgruntled Mongrels growled and purposely bumped into the two in an effort to relieve some of their frustration.

“Is it just me or have the Mongrels gotten a little more hostile since the last time I’ve been here?   I guess a lot has changed since the last great war?”

“Eh… don’t mind them Sunshine.”  Ob’s easy going and relaxed demeanor never failed.  “The Chairman’s been cracking down on blue on blue so the locals get a little excited at the hint of action.”

A distant crack and thud caught their attention before Ary could get out whatever smart ass remark about the Chairman she had was spoken.  The distraction was probably for the best considering the amount ears in the hall.  The Brutor had gotten his ISK back.  The bookie sat on the floor slumped unconscious against the wall.  A trail of blood leaked from his freshly broken nose and drool from his lip.

“I see the rules of Mongrel-Fucking are still clearly in effect.”

“Clearly.”  Ob’s arm moved up to wrap around her shoulder.  “Come on.   I’ll give you the grand tour and then I want to spend a some time catching up with my BFF.”

“BFF?”

“Best Femme Fatal?”  A cheeky smile cast in her direction along with a wink to truly add emphasis.

“You’re disturbing.”

“I’m aware, but I’ll take it as a compliment.”

I'd Like to Announce; Rixx Javix is The Man

So.... As if we didn't all already know... Rixx Javix is the man.  He really is.  He is one of the people that will probably never cease to amaze me in positive and wonderful ways.  In his most recent episode of be a fantastic person, he jumped on board with my nutty idea of "The Power of 100 Voices"  and how to apply this to something I enjoy doing and do quite a bit anyway.

His contribution to the project was two-fold.  In Good Guy feat #1; he actually sent in audio!  That kind of support was more than I could have hoped for in the first place.  In Good Guy feat #2; he created this amazing background to go along with the add.  I'll give you a moment to guess what's replaced by Dramiel against a cool red nebulae over in Minmatar land.

After sending tweets and emailing the link to his post and pissing off my neighbors with the squealing, I decided to go be counter inspired.  Those that follow my EVE lust in all its forms probably spotted the news article over on Tech 4 News.  Well, since we're all being mutually creative; I made a in-character response about Rixx's support.  It seems that CreoDron has sparked some great EVE Online Metagame/Role-Play creativity.

Yes.  Drones. 

Who would have thought?!

And PS Rixx... I do have some posts that pack a bit of a punch.  :P

The Power of 100 Voices: United Technologies of CreoDron

So as most of you know, I am one of the voices, writers and conceptual con-artists behind the delightful player facilitated immersion project knows as Tech4 News.  Don’t know Tech4 News is?  Then click here, but don’t forget to come back.

 

With that out of the way, back to my main point.  One of the writing duties I’ve taken on is commercials.  I have a personal passion for commercials.  By the age of 7 I had produced two infomercials (Wonder Weave and Healthy Berries) and by 15 I just knew that my purpose in life was to become a big time Advertising Executive with Bozell World Wide in their Paris, France office.  None of that happened, but I still like making commercials.

That’s where you the reader come in.  ‘What do I have to do with any of this?’, ‘What the hell is a Healthy Berry?’, ‘Where is this bus going and why is it so hot?’  These are probably some of the questions you are asking yourself.  There are probably other questions as well and the answer to those are ‘no’, ‘mostly on Wednesdays and Saturdays’ and ‘I swear it was like that when I got here, but I’d like to keep the cane and those ear muffs.’  I totally forgot where I was going with this paragraph so I’m going to skip to the next one now.

So this commercial thing.  I’m working on a new commercial for Tech4 News.  It’s about CreoDron, which in the lore of EVE produces drones.  Now we’ve taken a few liberties on expending what kind of drones they produce, but one would have to imagine that in a progressive and highly advanced society like New Eden, they’re more than just Repair, Combat and ECM drones.  I still haven’t answered the part about you, but stick with me, I’m getting there.

So you.  What do I want from you?  Your voice.  And no not in the 'creepy Ursula from The Little Mermaid, steal your voice and try to steal your man because I have a hard on for your dad' kind of way.  No.  What I want is more scary than that.  I want you to record the lines below.  All of them.  If your work is good, I’m going to put your voice in the commercial.  If you send me something weird, I’m going to montage it with the other weird crap I’m sure to get and play it on Voices. 

So, go my little EVE-Ites!  Record and then send the MP3 files to vandvpodcast(at)gmail(dot)com.  The "official dead line" for this is Friday Dec 23rd.  However, never fear!  I would like to do several versions of the commercial, so if you need a little more time that's cool too.

Dani♥

Drones.

You never really think about them, but where would we be without our automaton friends?

The farms would fall silent and overgrown. The groceries would never arrive. The streets would fill with trash

More of our sons and daughters lives would be risked in relentless factories, on hostile worlds, in treacherous mines and in defense of our space.

Drones have many uses. But you and I both know their primary function is making our lives easier.

*short laugh*

But between you and me... you don't have to think about them.  Why?  Because that's our job.

 

CreoDron.  Yes.  Drones.

Children's Songs for EVE Online

A while ago, Roc Wieler was featured on Voice from the Void.  During the episode, he mentioned the idea of Matari Children’s songs.  The idea has stuck with me ever since that interview.

Between my passion for parody songs and the fact that life experiences have caused me to learn an abundant amount of children’s songs (Nursery volunteer, Girls Inc volunteer, Girl Scouts, WDW Cast Member, etc); I figured why not?

Why not EVE Online children’s songs?  Is it weird?  Yes.  A little creepy?  Borderline.  Will it be funny?  Of course.  Will people read this post and start singing them any way or at least show the post to friends?  I’m counting on it.

Also, since Roc decided to “borrow” one of my ideas for one of his “Roc’s Rules”; I think it’s only fair I get the jump on the parody songs.  At least I’m gracious enough to give credit where credit is due.  :/

So.  Without further ado…. Children’s songs for EVE Online.

++++++++++++++++

The Pod Amarr Song
In the style of "If You're Happy and You Know It"
(Special thanks to Bucky O'Hair for this one.)



If you’re happy and you know it; Pod Amarr.
If you’re happy and you know it; Pod Amarr.
If you’re happy and you know it.
Let your turrets go and show it.
If you’re happy and you know it; Pod Amarr.

If you can not find Caldari; Pod Amarr.
If you can not find Caldari; Pod Amarr.
If you can not find Caldari.
And your killboard’s lookin’ sorry.
If you can not find Caldari; Pod Amarr.

If Gallante’s looking shifty; Pod Amarr.
If Gallante’s looking shifty; Pod Amarr.
If Gallante’s looking shifty.
And your trigger finger’s itchy.
If Gallante’s looking shifty; Pod Amarr.

If the sleeper’s are too risky; Pod Amarr.
If the sleeper’s are too risky; Pod Amarr.
If the sleeper’s are too risky
And your wormhole’s closing quickly
If the sleeper’s are too risky; Pod Amarr.


The Fleet Song
In the style of "The Song that Never Ends" from Sherry Lewis' Lamb Chop

This is the fleet that doesn’t end.
Yes it goes on and on my friend.
Some FC.. called a primary not knowing what it was.
And they just kept pew-pewing on forever just because...(repeat forever)



The Chribba Song
In the style of "Hi My name is Joe"
 (Written prior to TEST taking 9UY4-H)



Hi..
My name is Chribba.
I gotta system in Providence and work on 3rd parties.
One day New Eden said
Chribba... Are you busy?  I said no.
They asked.. code Eve Files on your website....

Hi..
My name is Chribba.
I gotta system in Providence and work on 3rd parties.
One day New Eden said
Chribba... Are you busy?  I said no.
They asked.. code Eve Search on your website....

Hi..
My name is Chribba.
I gotta system in Providence and work on 3rd parties.
One day New Eden said
Chribba... Are you busy?  I said no.
They asked.. code Eve Offline on your website....

Hi..
My name is Chribba.
I gotta system in Providence and work on 3rd parties.
One day New Eden said
Chribba... Are you busy?  I said no.
They asked.. code eEve Agents on your website....

Hi..
My name is Chribba.
I gotta system in Providence and work on 3rd parties.
One day New Eden said
Chribba... Are you busy?  I said no.
They asked.. code EVE Board on your website....

Hi..
My name is Chribba.
I gotta system in Providence and work on 3rd parties.
One day New Eden said
Chribba... Are you busy?  I said YES!!!

EVE Online Pod Pack: Dec 2011 Update

Keeping it short and sweet this month folks.

Introducing

Lost in EVE

A big welcome back as Jade makes his triumphant return.  This time around it's a solo show, but we'll never know where the path to piracy and Jade's other journeys will lead him.

Local Spam

Welcome to #Tweetfleet residents PyroTech3 and ALushInSpace.  Get ready to laugh and enjoy some great local chatter as they spam and ham it up.

Taking a Stage Left...

Due to the holiday season, no removals will be done until February.  Merry Crucible!